“The will of the people shall prevail”
Four years ago, on the evening of Tuesday, November 7, 2000, we were getting antsy sitting in front of the TV watching the election returns. We figured that the networks couldn’t call the election until after dinner so we went out for Chinese food. The message that Araceli’s fortune cookie brought that night was particularly fitting. It read:
The will of the people shall prevail.
As the days wore on and the chad kept hanging in Florida, I sent an e-mail message to friends and family. I had to vent my frustration somehow and I chose to do it after the fashion of The Onion:
From: Nils Jonsson
Sent: Friday, November 17, 2000 7:02 AMCelebrated mathematician offers to aid election recount effort
Nils Jonsson, Associated PressTallahassee, Florida——Deadlock continues in this year’s presidential election as the state of Florida remains undecided. Texas Gov. George W. Bush currently leads Vice President Al Gore in Florida by a slim 300-vote margin, and recounts in three Florida counties are being debated in the courts.
Overseas absentee ballots for Florida remain to be tallied, and a manual recount of the entire state’s approximately 6 million ballots is not out of the question.
In the face of this daunting task, a world-famous number cruncher has stepped forward to offer his expertise. “I am the Count,” declared the renowned enumerator of television’s “Sesame Street.” Explaining his decision to pitch in on the tabulation effort, he said, “I love to count!”
Despite his popular appeal, the Count has not received a uniformly warm welcome in the Sunshine State. Residents and government officials alike are tiring of the lingering presence of other luminaries such as Rev. Jesse Jackson, former Sec. of State James A. Baker III and pundits Statler and Waldorf of “The Muppet Show.”
Speaking of the Count, Florida Sec. of State Katherine Harris stated, “I don’t know why he thinks we need him. It’s already a circus down here.” Harris also attacked the ordinal orator as a mathematical lightweight: “We have more than 10,000-odd [absentee] votes to tabulate. When have you seen him count higher than 10?”
But the enthusiasm of the Transylvanian tabulator is unflagging. Ever the showman, he displays his forte for figures before an audience of hundreds in front of the state capitol. “One!! Ah! ah! ah! ah! Two!! Ah! ah! ah! Three!! Ah! ah! ah! ah! Count with me now: Four!!”
Representatives of the Bush and Gore campaigns declined to comment on the Count’s offer of assistance.
