Suffering—I mean, um, suffrage
It’s about time to go to the polls again in my town, and the mudslinging by direct mail is reminding me of the pig races at the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Somehow, electing government officials never amounts to the stirring, patriotic experience that your momma said it was, does it?
As I step into the voting booth, the heady odor of pencil shavings and Scantron ink fills my nose. I begin reading the ballot but quickly succumb to the fumes …
* * *
For Sugar Land City Council at Large, Place 1 (choose one):
- John Adams
- Benjamin Franklin
- Thomas Jefferson
- Abraham Lincoln
* * *
I lift my head off the desk, wipe the drool from my cheek, sheepishly trade my damp ballot for a fresh one, step once more into the voting booth, and begin reading …
For Sugar Land City Council at Large, Place 1 (choose one):
- Clarence Crook
- Bert “Bubba” Bigot
- Linus Loser
- Phineas Philanderer
Bubba “has issues” if the following excerpt from a direct-mail piece we got from him is any indicator.
The Real Issues, and where Mike stands:
Issue Mike Casey His Opponent Education Texas A&M University Delhi University Church Active Member of St. Laurence Parish ?
Sigh. 
